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June 8, 2013 / Vanilla Chocolate

Plight of a married man

I work in the Indian office of a IT MNC. We have colleagues from various sub-cultures or regions within the country. This usually makes for a number of interesting discussions. The other day I was walking around in my bay and right then one of my team mates was talking about marriage with the other.

This man his mid 20s was expressing his plight from last night. It was his half anniversary -his partner and he were completing their first 6 months of married life -at 12 in the night. He told us that he has been working at the time, having a IM discussion with one of the folks from the US when his wife came to him and asked “What day it was ?” . He wondered- “Neither it is her birthday, nor mine, nor her parents’ nor mine’s. What day is it then?” He failed to recollect what “crucial” day had he missed. He did not tell us the rest of the story but just mentioned that the rest of the night passed away up in arms against each other.

He had been packing up his bag while telling us about the night and right then he was ready to leave, shaking his head, probably in plight. By now, another colleague of ours had walked in and had over-hard a part of the story. He happened to be married too. He asked – “Is this about dates and their importance in marriage ?”. “Yeah”, replied the other. “Your anniversaries and your spouse’s date of birth –  these are the most important dates.” He went on  -“We went to a bank once and I was filling in a form. I had to enter my wife’s date of birth and I had to think hard for a second. I got a gleaning glance from her. I knew she hadn’t liked that.” He smiled as he said this. He went on – “Another thing to remember is their cell number, I have gone out to get her a recharge at times and its a nightmare if I forget it. She does not like it.” Immediately replied the other – “Yes, yes! Phone number is something you should never forget. But I have found a way out of this – I ask her to tell me mine and she often doesn’t remember. So I get away saying that both need to remember it.” Both men smiled at each other and at everyone else. They seemed glad that they had found someone going through almost exactly the same things in marriage. I was amazed – “Does this happen across all marriages? :O”

I have another colleague who married a few months ago. He did not drink at the time so his wife and family knew her as a non-drinker. But with our fun office sponsored party nights at times, when the whole team would go out for drinks, dinner and some times dance, he started joining in the drinking too. One night he drank a little more than that would go undetected by his wife. The next day he said the had been warned the next time he comes home drunk, his parents would be informed about it. He said, “I am sure my parents would land up here the next day to check on me”.

In another discussion that I heard a woman was complaining that her husband had been busy with work the night of their anniversary or her birthday(not sure, which it was.) To the rest of her colleagues, she exclaimed in a determined tone- “Well,  I am going to make sure that I remind him of this for the next 10 years!” haha I surely do not want to be that man whose wife is so determined on how she is going to remind him of his “shortcomings” for the next 10 years.

I guess the first two of the marriages above are arranged marriages while I know the third one is a love marriage and I am not sure about the fourth.  Most of my circle involves men and as women may not speak about their relationships as openly. So, I do not know what goes on in a marriage for women. But it certainly seems that some men funnily enough seem to be going through similar hardships in marriage. Hopefully, this always ends up on a lighter note and does not lead to broken relationships.

PS: I would still like to believe that not all marriages are the same!

What have your experiences been? What do you think of these little incidents that might happen in a marriage ? Do you think they are bad for the relationship or just too trivial?




One Comment

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  1. triptiindan / Jul 25 2013 12:02 pm

    Im dad and mum have been married for 25 years year now. Trust me they have had their share of fighting, banging doors and not speaking to each other for days on end….but after all this i know they still love each other very much,and they love me.
    As far as remembering dates go……..does it really matter?…. marriage is not a race… to see which milestone to reach and put a garland over.
    everyday matters. everyday is special. a new story – a new path in this road called life.

    I absolutely do not believe in arranged marriages..solely because you should not hide(or not have to hide) anything from your spouse. you have to be accepted as who you are— and not what others, your parents,or your in-laws think you are……its your life. not your families. . Be independent. Make your own decisions.

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