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September 8, 2011 / Vanilla Chocolate

My worst journey ever.

Last weekend I had the opportunity to visit some friends in Bangalore. I took the overnight bus back home to Hyderabad on Sunday evening(where I had to show up for work the next morning). On the bus, I got in a couple of hours of sleep and woke up to see Vanilla’s text. Went online on my cell and got on fine. I thought to myself,  wonderful!!, I was all set to not so tiring a ride back to Hyderabad. I wasn’t even hungry, only a short time ago I had had a supposedly good meal on the last bus stop.

Everything seemed to be going just smooth till everything changed when Vanilla and I hit a sensitive topic. I could still handle it fine.But right then as unexpected as a flash of lightening in the dark, things took a painful turn. I felt a slight pain in my bowels. I thought that probably the food that I had had a little while ago might haven’t been great. It kept getting worst, I had a cold sweat thinking of what would my options be in case I needed to use the toilet.  I now knew for sure that  the meal that I had supposedlly thought to be  good, had actually undone me. I was struggling. Here I was on a bus from Bangalore to Hyderabad, in the middle of nowhere, at 1:20 AM trying to figure out an action plan for now was what turning into a strong need. I paused for a while, only to give my nervous system enough time to let me know that I was almost  approaching catastrophe. I gathered all my reason and logic and thought to myself that there was only one way I would get out of the situation, “Take the bull by its horns.”

I dashed right from the last of the bus to the front, to the driver and the conductor, The conductor who was half asleep, seemed to be more kind. I took a gamble and asked him if we could stop the bus, I had a problem. The man looked at the driver perplexed, as if to transfer all authority on the matter to him. The driver looked back at me almost in disgust and slowed the bus down assuming I needed to drain myself. Embarrassed as one could ever get,I put on a fake smile and managed to lift my hand to first show two fingers on it to the conductor who seemed to be more forgiving of the two and then as directed by him towards the driver. The annoyed driver got even more so while he realized only now that I was in more need of a  dump than a drain.

I wished for the earth to open up and take me in, maybe after once I had finished dumping myself. I pleaded with the driver, who turned the light off as probably a sign for me to go back and bide my time. But I knew I didn’t have any time. It had to be now or the term “right there” might have gotten added to it. Helpless, I decided to make an offer to the driver, in an emotionless voice I shouted out to the driver, “Ok, I’ll pay you 50 bucks.” I think hearing that broke the wall he managed to put up around him, here was a man offering money to someone to let him relieve himself from what nature had made more than just a need for everyone. Thankfully, he stopped.

I rushed, I ran as far into the dark as I could, before it got too much for me. I didn’t care if there was a snake there or scorpions. All I could think was of how much pain and horror I had been in for what now seemed almost like two hours, yes two hours, can you even imagine having to go through that!!!. Relieved and done, I rose out of the grass. I couldn’t have been bothered if anyone on the bus had seen me go to the driver and hold the bus and everyone with it to ransom right in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere. I knew there wasn’t a strip of muscle in my sphincters that thought I could hold on. Exhausted and relieved I decided to take a nap.

It was morning and I managed to get some water for my de hydrated body from a place the bus had made a stop at. The journey resumed and right then, in another 5 minutes, all the ghosts from last night got back to haunt me. I felt my sphincters crying out for mercy again.  This time I was determined to hold on,I had no options, I had office in a couple of hours. A quick look at the milestone told me Hyderabad was only 80 Kilometers.  I figured it was just another 90 minutes. Unlike last night I didn’t have many options. It was daybreak, even if  I managed to convince the driver I would be visible to everyone on that bus, merrily walking into the grass. I closed my eyes and thought of everything that I could to distract me away from my discomfort. Alas! it kept getting worse. Another quick glance, hyderabad was 60 Kilometers. I held on, it kept getting harder. It was 45 now, wow 35 now, oops we came only 5 in so much time, only 30 now??

Thoughts of fainting or having a fit all just due to the mere physcial, mental and emotional pain that I was going through started creeping into my mind. I was yet again in the middle of the worst moment, of the worst bus journey I had ever had or I think I will ever have. I couldn’t take it anymore. I snapped. I ran out again to the front, this time with my bag and asked the driver to stop by close to anything that might have a chance of having a rest room. Right then I heard from the conductor what had been the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard. He reasoned, “You seem to be well off  and yet you have problems with your stomach?” I was aghast, I thought that a stomach upset could happen  to anyone, I wondered if I was being picked on by the universe.

I got down, found a petrol pump and a place inside to relieve myself. I felt good. I put everything behind me and decided to see it as maybe an adventure, maybe not so talked about, yet any keen traveller might face such a situation at any point of time, i figured. Exhausted by all the turmoil and pain for what had been a long time, I decided to just stroll along the road and enjoy the early morning bliss that I was able to feel then. In a few minutes, an auto came by, I exclaimed ” I want to go to Hyderabad”. He smiled, informed me that it was Hyderabad. He dropped me off for my next auto and refused to take anything. Maybe the overnight struggle that I had gone through showed on my face, and this man felt generous early in the morning having met a vicitm of nature’s gross attrocities.

Finally I got home, realizing that I had already been late to work. Thankfully my manager allowed me to work from home today and here I am writing this post. On a lighter note, I think there might have been a reason for me to have been facing all that I did. Maybe it was needed of me to talk and write about for what might be less talked about but yet every keen traveller on this globe might have to face some day or the other. Maybe this is some form of recognition for the amount of pain for someone who might have to face such a tough situation or for someone who might have already faced it. For every moment that I have the toilet nearby I feel more thankful for it to be close by. I sincerely hope none of you have to go through the ordeal that I went through last night for what had been “The worst journey ever.”

Thanks for reading, CHOCOLATE.


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